pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
