Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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