haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize