is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize