You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize