I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
