its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
