I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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