dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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