and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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