I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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