He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize