I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
