the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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