My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
