so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
