you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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