I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
