jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
