There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
