Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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