So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
