just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
