whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
