We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
