Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
