i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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