great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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