is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex on a roof
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
