How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
