All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
