I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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