I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
