R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
