I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
