Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
