For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
time to smoke my breakfast
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
