dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
