we're chasing vodka with high fives
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they need to just BURY HIM!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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