how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize