drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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