i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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