As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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