some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize