if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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