I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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