let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
