Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
