she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
