We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
