I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
