Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize