I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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