Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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