My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this boner is exhausting
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
