got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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