I wish I could teleport
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
