I just pynch a tree in the face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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