Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
