Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
