walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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