I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk is a universal language darling
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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