And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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