If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize