Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
