I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
