so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
