i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
