butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I smell stomach acid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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