New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
