I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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