he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
