ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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