So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize