OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
