i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
