There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
