You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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