her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
