Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
