so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize