If i come over, it means nothing
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
