There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're my little dorito
wat bout pragnant strippers??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
