so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Come on in and take your pants off
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