How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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