I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
