We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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