Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
