well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
