Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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