If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
