why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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