Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize