Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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