also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
