Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize