I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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