Cold hands, warm shart.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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