i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize