My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
should my penis look like a turkey
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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